Chapter 7 - War in the Men’s Room(NSFW?)
TL note: plenty and I mean plenty of BDSM references. It’s also suggestive as f.u.c.k. May or may not be NSFW depends on what you consider NSFW read at your own discretion.
TL note 2: I AM RECRUITING OTHER TRANSLATORS
http://forum.novelupdates.com/threads/recruiting-translator-for-G.o.d-level-bodyguard-in-the-city.12439/
https://www.reddit.com/r/noveltranslations/comments/4qtun8/event_july_recruitment_thread/
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“Xiao Yi, where are you?”
“I should be the one asking you that. I went to the lady's room for a moment and you’re already gone without a trace. Are you planning on having another test?”
“How’s the situation outside right now?”
“Have you seen the fire station’s ticket office right before the spring festival? It’s more or less like that. Also, those who have received the news are rushing over. I’ve already seen reporters carrying SLRs. Every exit is completely surrounded by people, there’s no way out.”
“Don’t worry about that for now, and do what I say. First, come to men’s room at B3.”
“Men’s room? You really know how to hide. Wait for me. f.u.c.k, there really are a lot of people here. Just now, a brat stroked my a.s.s and had his finger dislocated by me.”
Currently, inside the men’s room, the two d.i.c.ks had already been wrapped in tape to the point where they looked like mummies, and thrown in a corner. Dream Jade placed two autographed photos into their bosoms, “this is compensation for the terror you two received. Of course, if you two dare to take out those pictures signed by me to do that disgusting thing, I’ll let the bodyguard behind me do some S&M[1] stuff with you. Keep this a secret, but he’s gay and loves chrysanthemum flowers[2] the most!”
The two d.i.c.ks were scared so badly that they started crying. One must know that even their pants weren’t completely worn, and p.i.s.s was still leaking out!
“By the way, how did you get that stubborn uncle to hire you?” After dealing with that, Dream Jade turned around, “he straight up said: bodyguards aren’t as good as dogs. Most celebrities were ruined by bodyguards, drivers, and a.s.sistants.; So, I’ve never had a fixed driver and a.s.sistant. He has also never been willing to employ a bodyguard for me.”
“Very simple, this is because I’m outstanding enough,” Shen Ming said with a smile.
“Don't blame me for being direct, but you, this kind of average appearance, no brawn no brain bodyguard, is destined to have a hard time getting any achievements in this line of work. Also, in the first meeting, you pulled your client into the men’s room, it’s clear that your character is immoral. Most of the people who hire you will also fire you because of your simple and coa.r.s.e protection.” Dream Jade’s two hands were at her waist, and she spoke straightforwardly with a venomous tongue. “But, this miss is kind-hearted and will give you one chance to prove yourself. If you can successfully get me out of here without being spotted by those crazed fans, I will make an exception and permit you to follow me.”
“He he, you[3] are really polite(客气).” Shen Ming smiled until his face was stiff. He himself was suspecting that this first job was chosen too casually.
After 5 minutes, Xiao Yi had already arrived in front of that men’s room. Following Shen Ming’s orders she placed an prepared “under maintenance” sign at the door.
When Xiao Yi came in to take a look, good guy! There were more people squatting in the men’s room than there were queuing up outside the lady’s room; Over ten old grandpas were wrapped up into dumplings by duct tape, and all of them had a signed photograph hidden in their bosoms.
“Shen Ming? What are you doing?” Xiao Yi called out.
“Do you two know each other? Scared me to death, and here I thought you were going to have another bondage performance[4].” Dream Jade pat her chest and said.
“I’m also out of tape. That last fat a.s.s that came in, wasted quite a bit.” Shen Ming stared at that 100kg[5] meatball squatting right at the front, then sighed and threw away the paper tube in his hand, “Time is limited. Now, we’re going to execute plan B. Xiao Yi, I need you and Dream Jade to swap clothes.”
The two girls obediently entered a cubicle and hurriedly swapped clothes.
“Xiao Yi was it? By the way, is your chest bigger than mine? C cup right? They’re really elastic!” Dream Jade was still direct.
“Stop pinching! They’re really sensitive! Don’t you have them too? Their just small enough to be held with a single hand.” Xiao Yi and Dream Jade were frank and saw eye to eye[6]. In an instant, they became intimate sisters.
When the old grandpas outside heard their erotic talk, half of them blushed, whereas the other half grinned. But one thing they were all united on was that their crotches stood up. Even Shen Ming, who was leaning against the wall, set up a tent.
After another 5 minutes, the girls who had finished swapping clothes, walked out. There was a 13cm difference between their heights. So, when Dream Jade wore the singlet, it literally became a hip-hop halter top, and the tight hotpants became baggy denim shorts. However, the bracelet on her hand was not swapped. Maybe it held some special meaning to her?
The clothes mostly did not have any problems. The small clothes made Xiao Yi feel extremely uncomfortable. The hip-hop shirt became twin peaks piercing clouds due to her 32C chest, and the denim skirt just became tight shorts. From behind, a bit of her b.u.t.t could be seen.
“En, looks really good to me.“ Shen Ming sincerely commented. The more than ten men sitting at the side also neatly nodded their heads in praise.
“Good, your sister! I’m about to be squeezed to death!” Xiao Yi constantly pulled at the edge of her jeans, causing the bit of a.s.s sticking out to be hidden.
“The plan starts now.” Shen Ming seriously said.
Xiao Yi, wearing Dream Jade’s clothes, hat and sungla.s.ses, first took a single step out of the men’s room . While the crazed fans by the side were surprised at why a girl would come out of the men’s room, Shen Ming jumped out from inside and shouted, “Dream Jade! She’s Dream Jade!”
This shout was like a small spark that set fire to the prairie, once sent out, it could not be retrieved. All the crazed fans rushed to catch up while shrieking and cheering. Xiao Yi once more showcased her talent in athletics as she ran with all her strength.
Under the cover of the turbulent flow of people, Shen Ming put his arms around his pet.i.te, cute “lover” then walked out of the men’s room and towards the staircase that led beneath the women’s shopping district.
During this time, there were also some people who took notice of these lovers. However, as soon as someone saw them, Shen Ming would purposefully hug even tighter, he snuggled her to the point where his face was almost going to stick to her. He completely lacked the tension and apprehension of the person in his embrace being a celebrity.
Dream Jade’s face was stuck to the side of Shen Ming’s chest. Through the thin shirt, she could feel his distinct, iron-like muscles. The strange walking posture made it so that she had no way of seeing the road. Instead, her eyes saw the hideous wounds on Shen Ming’s body through the gap between the b.u.t.tons of his shirt.
His arm was like a bulletproof vest as it tightly hugged her flank, strongly warding off the sweeping glances of the pedestrians next to them. Dream Jade felt like his embrace was the safest place in the world, and a red glow like that from the sun appeared on her face.
Just like that, they left Lin Hai Mall, and a black nanny van rapidly stopped in front of them.
“Get in.” Wu Neng pulled open the van door, and invited the “lovers” on board. The van followed the road around Lin Hai Mall and went to the carpark behind it. With her clothes almost torn off, Xiao Yi, whose hair was messy, stood there with her hands at her waist, and an unhappy expression on her face.
　　声东击西之计到最后肖仪都说了自己不是梦琪，一群男粉丝还是趁乱拉扯着她的衣服。把肖仪逼急了，抓住其中一个摸向自己胸口的男屌就是一个过肩摔，手臂都给扭脱臼了，场面才被震了下来，顺利脱身。
In the end, Xiao Yi even said that she was not Dream Jade and that everything was a diversionary plan, but a group of male fans still took advantage of the chaos to pull her clothes. This made Xiao Yi distressed, so she grabbed who was reaching towards her chest and gave him a shoulder toss, dislocating his shoulder.
“Shen Ming, f.u.c.k you for making me run continuously, two days in a row.” When Xiao Yi was getting into the van, her calf was shivering. She had obviously gone through another nightmare.
“Big sis Xiao Yi, don’t be angry, I’ll cut his pay.” Dream Jade, who was already calling her big sis, had a natural hostility towards men but a particular intimacy with women. Could it be that she was a “lesbian[7]”?
“He he, from the start, we weren’t getting paid half a 10¢, just meals.” Xiao Yi felt that she was mixed too badly already.
“Enough nonsense. Dream Jade, the director just called, said that the stage for the finals is ready and wants us to head over to take a look. Quick Mouth Hua is also there. While we’re there we can discuss how the finals will proceed(顺带交流一下决赛的流程).” Wu Neng once again returned to his gold cla.s.s agent work mode.
“Ah? Wasn’t it agreed that today would be a day off?” Dream Jade said in a wronged manner with puppy-dog eyes.
“Want another “The Great Escape” in the mall(商场大逃亡)?” Wu Neng instantly transformed into a strict military instructor and said. “It’s not that I’m scolding you, but towards the finals, you’re too unconcerned. Until today you still haven’t decided the last song. Your opponent, Green Tea, has already decided to sing the song that made Michael Jackson famous, 《Bille Jean》. The team of ch.o.r.eographers are all professionals directly hired from USA, and there are even some who have worked with Michael Jackson. They are really strong.”
“I too know that time is short, but the songs that were corrected by the songwriter that uncle found, are too disgusting. Some unexpectedly need me to be like those 卖腿女团[8] from Korea and 跳劈叉舞[9]!” Dream Jade sighed while giving puppy-dog eyes. “Why not let me sing a self-written song instead? Anyhow I’ve been immersed for 2 years and have created quite a few works, which took me a lot of effort. I swear I will give my 100% best!”
“No way!” Wu Neng rebuffed, “How many times have I told you? Towards these kinds of big compet.i.tions, singing new songs is a taboo. Modifying ch.o.r.eography to sell legs and b.u.t.t is the way of the king. It’s the fast-food era, who still has the mood to calm down and listen to slow songs?”
“To put it gently, of course it’s not having uncle sell his. I’m just a pair of A cups, a pair of short legs, and my b.u.t.t still doesn’t have meat. How do you want me to sell?” Dream Jade said in a self-ridiculing manner, which made Xiao Yi amused.
Celebrities are so pressed for time, even an agreed upon rest could be cancelled just like that. Dream Jade, in the back row, just pulled up a screen and changed into a white one-piece dress and finally returned Xiao Yi’s clothes.
The nanny van went all the way into Lin Hai City’s biggest soccer stadium. This was precisely the place that was contracted for the finals of 《China‘s Wonderful Sound》, and it could accommodate 20000+ cheering and shouting at the same time.
As soon as the car stopped, they immediately went to work. Wu Neng wanted to first get the stage directions from Quick Mouth Hua, so Xiao Yi then became an a.s.sistant. She was for moving the garbage and putting it in Dream Jade’s dressing room for now. As for Dream Jade and Shen Ming, they first went around to check the stage set.
After pa.s.sing through the long “employees only pa.s.sageway”, Dream Jade impatiently went to the field. The almost completed stage was
magnificently standing in the center of the field, and was practically beckoning for her. Dream Jade had already not been on such a large stage, singing in front of over ten thousand people, for a long time. Thinking back, it was 4 years ago, during the start of her career, that she held concerts. Later on, was a wave of bad press, rumours, disputes, getting frozen, there was a variety of unhappy stories.
“Do you think it’s beautiful?” Dream Jade stood at the exit, and stared at the stage with infatuation.
“A stage with a bunch of steel equipment on top, can it be described with the word beautiful?” Shen Ming’s hands were in his pocket, looking at Dream Jade next to him, he really wanted to say: A Dream Jade that shows the smile of a happy young woman should be what’s really beautiful.
“How would you, this kind of rough person who is only able to fight, be able to understand the beauty of a stage? It’s like a prince’s white stallion or Cinderella's gla.s.s slippers or an angel’s wings. It’s the stage that makes the celebrity. Every single stage has a life, only those walking up with a heart filled with awe, can sing the most moving melodies.” Dream Jade was saying as she was walking towards the stage. She stood at there, the center of the stage, as if she was summoned there, took off her shoes, spread out her arms, closed her eyes and spun around while smiling.
Shen Ming just stood at the bottom of the stage, and became Dream Jade’s first audience member…...
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[1] 痛并快乐 Lit. Pain and happiness
[2] 菊花 slang for a.n.u.s
[3] Uses 您 which is a polite and respectful way to say you
[4] 龟缚术表演 - ……………… https://www.google.com.sg/search?q=%E9%BE%9F%E7%BC%9A%E6%9C%AF%E8%A1%A8%E6%BC%94&espv=2&biw=1455&bih=761&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiQuOb7_tjNAhUHp48KHV7gCPYQ_AUIBigB like I said… BDSM
[5] Raws used 200 斤which is 0.5 kg/斤 but I’m sticking with metric units
[6]坦诚相见 - refers to two people who trust each other and talk to each other without any reservations
[7] This was said in English. The author used 蕾丝边 which is p.r.o.nounced lei si bian
[8]卖腿女团 should be those k pop girls who dance and wear short mini skirt
exposing their legs - yasha
[9]劈叉舞 means their dance where they show skin - yasha